Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

College students do not know . . . fractions?

Sunday, May 22nd, 2011

                                                                                                                                                                                                     So I was shocked to hear from a friend that college students in the math class her son teaches at the University of Washington do not know  . . .   fractions

Without these how could a student score high enough on the SAT math exam to get into the university?  How could an eighteen or nineteen year old not know how to convert 2/3 to a decimal?   How could these kids who probably had some part-time job be so innumerate?  Would parents not be aware and sit their teen-ager down and teach him or her basic  math skills necessary for survival? 

Parents see the C’s, D’s and F’s in math on elementary, middle and high school report cards.  Your child is failing math?  It is your responsibility is to sit down and teach your son or daughter basic math skills.  Without these, your child is doomed to struggle in school.

You can’t be a responsible, functioning adult without basic math skills. Math skills are a requisite for any number of rewarding careers.  You can’t be an architect, engineer or a financial whiz without knowing how to compute fractions, decimals and percentages.  You can’t manage a household budget or do smart comparision shopping without basic math skills.  You can’t be a good parent without these.

Parents,  invest in your child’s early years.  A third grader who knows his/her times tables and knows how to read (and hopefully enjoys reading because YOU love to read) will most likely graduate from high school.  Competent third graders become competent high school students.   Parents, it is up to you to instill a love of learning and ensure your child’s success in school.  A parent is a child’s first and primary teacher.

Image borrowed from questgarden.com.

Does Tiger Mothering Work on Boys?

Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

Last weekend, I was speaking with two male electrical engineers from Korea, who had read with interest the WSJ’s article on Amy Chua.  “No way, would this Tiger Mother approach work on boys,” was their view, noting that Amy Chua has two daughters.

This got me thinking.  Girls tend to be more compliant than boys.  They’re able to sit still longer without fidgeting whether long hours at school or at the piano.  In fact, our school model seems designed for obeisant girls.  So why is it moms are better able to impose their will on daughters?  Is there something in the dynamic of mother and daughter that allows or even encourages this?

Are dads less likely to intervene or oppose this strict tiger mothering because after all moms know better with daughters?  Would they be less tolerant of tiger mothering of their sons and thus more likely to speak up against mom’s harsh parenting?  Are moms more tolerant and less strict with their sons?  Would they/could they impose their iron will with them?

The Asian violin and piano prodigies in Orange County are by and large young women.   Should we then conclude that Tiger Mothering might be gender selective, best reserved for daughters?

Was your mom far stricter with you than with your brother?  As a mom, do you take a less strict approach to parenting with your son, allowing him leeway that you would not allow your daughter?

Immigrant Tiger Mothers

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

Many of us read the excerpt of Amy Chua’s The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother in The Wall Street Journal.   More than 5,000 Journal readers commented on the WSJ’s website, more than any other article in the Journal’s history.  The Chinese tough love approach to childrearing infuriated many.

I was not altogether astonished by this strict approach to parenting.  Not surprisingly, immigrant parents want their children to take advantage of opportunities denied them. Chua’s essay brought to mind Amy Tan’s novel, The Joy Luck Club.  The opening passage tells of a Chinese woman who bought a duck that “stretched its neck in hopes of becoming a goose, and now look [it is a swan]  too beautiful to eat.”   The duck/swan image “a creature that became more than what was hoped for” symbolizes the mother’s dreams for her daughter.

Having taught English to hundreds of immigrants over the years, I heard so many stories of parents forced to leave everything behind in Romania, Iran, Cambodia and Viet Nam.  Whereas many Americans have given up on the American dream, immigrants fervently believe in it.  Their profound optimism and belief that their children will become “more than what was hoped for” reinvigorates America. Their children’s success is their success.

Does curiosity influence longevity?

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

I have a dear friend, Irma, who celebrated her 101 birthday this summer.  Irma lives in her own home in a retirement community, does not use a walker or a hearing aid and drives over to her friends’ homes and library on her golf cart.  Her mind is so sharp that UC Irvine gerontology has been studying her.  One of seven children born to a family in the Midwest, only she and a younger sister survive.  A frail child, Irma grew up on a farm in Kansas.  Farm chores, she says, made her strong.

After college a friend suggested she come on out to California.  Interested in business, Irma enrolled in UCLA and received an MBA. She taught business courses till her ’60’s and then became a stockbroker.  While teaching business, she took sabiticals and traveled round the world.  When she retired, she moved to Laguna Woods Village in Orange County.  One of the first residents, she raised funds for the hospital and the library and was the director of the library some 20 years.  An ardent hiker, gardener and birder, she also founded the local chapter of the Audubon chapter.

When asked what she attributes her remarkable health to, she replies:  “a sensible diet and a positive attitude.”  I would add one other factor:  her curiosity about people, places and current events.  It’s her curiosity that engages her in life and makes her so vibrant.

My recommendation to parents is to stimulate your child’s innate curiosity.  Yes, there are wonderful nature shows on tv but take your child to the natural history museums and other places of interest in your city.  Teach them to love nature. Explore the outdoors and vacation at one of our great national parks.  Yosemite is a favorite of mine. Life is an adventure.  Instill this in your child from a early age.  Develop interests and share these with your child.  Teach them to live life with passion as my friend Irma has.

“Who’s Oprah?”

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

 spent Christmas with my daughter and son-in-law and their little ones in their 1890’s Victorian home in Texas.  My daughter homeschools her children.  The eldest, now eleven, has “graduated” from homeschool and is in sixth grade at a private school and is thriving socially and academically. 

One evening my two oldest granddaughters asked my sister and me to play a game in which you draw cards with fantasy dreams such as “an indoor swimming pool” or “a visit to the Eiffel Tower.” For four players, four cards are drawn and each player discards one card, the fantasy dream least suited to the other players.  The challenge is to give the remaining cards to the player that will value it the most — points range from 3 to 1.  The player with the most points wins.  It’s a fun game, full of surprises.  “You’d rather have a cottage on the beach than a trip to Italy?”  a player might ask.  “Yes, that way I’d have a year-round vacation,” someone might answer.  The game promotes lively discussion.

I drew a card whose fantasy dream was an appearance on Oprah’s show and gave it to my sister.  Ecstatic, she immediately awarded this card three points.  My nine-year old granddaughter turned to her and asked, “Who’s Oprah?” 

“Who’s Oprah?” my sister and I repeated to one another, mouths agape.  Later we reflected that the family uses their tv (out of sight in an upstairs den) essentially to view movies.  They do not watch television at ALL.   Oprah, herself, who paradoxically does not espouse watching television would be proud. (It was Gail who insisted the guest rooms at her palatial Santa Barbara home have televisions because unlike Oprah, guests watch tv.) 

I got to thinking how television has taken over our family life.  If it’s always on during family time, it’s like another member of the family.  At my daughter’s, evenings are truly family time where parents or older siblings read to the younger children and all play games.

Evenings seemed magical in their living room, the Christmas tree sparkling in the bay window.  I imagined Christmas back in the 1800’s — the family together enjoying each other’s company, providing their own entertainment.  Children grow up so fast.  Don’t deprive yourself or them the time to enjoy them.

“Libraries Are the Medicine Chest of the Soul”

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

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This quote, an inscription over the doorway of the library in Thebes, appeared in a friend’s blog (www.PinkFrenchie.blogspot.com).  Her blog entry prompted me to write the following:

Books we’ve read reveal
who we were at a certain time.
Leafing through them
we see snapshots of who we were.
Why was that novel chosen?
And what did it mean to us then?

Great books we’ve read
take us back to a moment in time.
They’re like a visit with a good friend.
The conversation resumes
and we settle in and enjoy.

Every home should have a library which includes your favorite books.   Children’s bedrooms should have a bookcase filled with treasured books.  Be sure to add to their collection through trips to bookstores.

If on a budget (and who isn’t?), borrow books from the library or buy them through the “gently used” bookstore run by your local library.  Should your local library not have one, you can usually find a used book bookstore in your town.  At a quarter per book, you will soon have a box of books to take home. 

By making a trip to the library or bookstore a highlight in your child’s week, you are embarking with your child on an extraordinary journey, filled with great characters and wild adventures.  Books like good friends can comfort us during difficult times as well as inspire, teach and entertain.  Good books are lifelong friends.